I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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