Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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