I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
