My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
