fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
