You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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