But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
