My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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