??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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