the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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