so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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