# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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