I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
