the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
