Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
