He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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