She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
