Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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