Whod you bang
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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