So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
