No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
