i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've blown a few things in my day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
