Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
