dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
