Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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