Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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