there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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