You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
