Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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