After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
