you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
