I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
