i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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