Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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