one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
