Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you had me at cake vodka
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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