someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
