So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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