i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
