Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
