its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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