so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
