Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
