She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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