His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
