mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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