I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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