Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
