Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
