So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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